We wore the stress on our faces like make-up and it was taking a toll of our body, mind and soul. Little did we know then, that we were at the beginning of what would be, as parents, the hands down most difficult year of our lives.
One hospitalization, two, then three. Then leaving our son in another city in residential care- all to bring healing to our very broken family. We were being eaten alive by an illness that isn't easily identifiable or even seen. We sometimes refer to it as the invisible wheelchair. But not seeing it didn't mean it wasn't there. Mental illness is brutal.
We dug out for hours last February to keep our promise to come see him every day. Rex walked Isaiah through snow up to his waist to drop him off at Uncle Dale & Aunt Brenda's so we could keep our promise. And within minutes of arriving he sent us away.
I remember so well the desperate feeling for hope and change as we walked back to our car that very cold snowy day. And we were at the beginning of one of those roads we didn't want to walk down.
A year has passed. The ground is again covered in white and peaceful.
We've been overwhelmed with the prayers of our friends and family who by name and date lifted our son to God and on his behalf begged for healing. And God is answering
Our family is on the road to healing- with a better understanding of his needs and ours, his boundaries and ours- more healthy than we were a year ago, when we wondered if love would be enough.
A year ago when I wasn't sure we'd be intact today. Not that we'd ever quit on him, but coming to the realization that we may not be able to live under the same roof, 365 days a year boiled a hot fear in our hearts.
And while he was enduring very difficult but much needed days in Richmond, we muddled through our days celebrating birthdays, taking small vacations, starting a new school year and living life burdened by the fear that love might not be enough.
Through Elijah's own life--the one God knit together in Mommy T's tummy before he was born, the one created to walk roads that I wouldn't choose for him- through that little 9 year old life my great big God Daddy is showing us that His love is stronger.
You went down one of those roads
Nobody should have to go
Life sure got real, real fast
You couldn't see your way out
Your world was under a cloud
All you could feel was helpless
You didn't think you could do it
Oh but you got through it
You kept faith when you didn't have a prayer
Found hope when it wasn't even there
Up against the impossible you
just wouldn't back down
You kept fighting
That heavy cross you carried
Ain't weighing you down any longer
Life is tough
But love is stronger
You're finally facing the sun
Your brighter days have begun
Look at you now, just soaking it in
You're smiling, you're laughing
You're happy, you're living
Every moment surrounded by
All the beautiful reasons why
You kept faith when you didn't have a prayer
Found hope when it wasn't even there
Up against the impossible you
just wouldn't back down
You kept fighting
That heavy cross you carried
Ain't weighing you down any longer
Life is tough
But love is stronger
Read more: Jason Crabb - Love Is Stronger Lyrics | MetroLyrics
And in these days since Elijah has come home, while still challenging and still chaotic and still stressful, the brighter days have begun.
We've grieved that life parenting our sons will never look like we pictured it. We've accepted that parenting our youngest sons won't and cannot look the same as parenting our oldest or most likely parenting your own kids. We get that what used to embarrass us and make us feel like failures now reminds us we're on the right track.
We see hope before us and are able to finally see some of the beautiful reasons why.
If youre headed down one of those roads and you can't see your way out, don't, I repeat don't give up on hope. It's there, you keep fighting. Keep fighting because God's love is stronger and be encouraged my friend, love wins!
Happy Sunday y'all!
