It didn't feel great.
While we did enjoy some really special memories this year- one of my most favorite and fun days ever was Shayne & Emily's wedding day (So.Much.Fun.) there were way more really hard days.
Days like admitting our son to the hospital multiple times, new mental illness diagnosis, residential care and fear that he might not get home ranked 2014 as the most difficult year of my life- so far. It seemed like his struggles hung over our family and the year like a fog- blocking visibility into anything joyous.
But, as difficult as it was, as I thought about it over the last few weeks, I have to admit it was a great year. Not because it was easy or stress free or filled with all manner of happy and joyous memories but it's been great because of how God stretched me, emptied me and is making me more like Him through lessons and reminders like:
- my children will break my heart- and I will break theirs. And in the breaking our love is made stronger not weaker.
- we people with our best intentions can't meet each others needs- we can only support and encourage.
- when I am nothing- God really is my everything.
- it is in the letting go where my hearts desires are found- just.let.go.
- welcoming my son's wife as my daughter brings joy unexplained and new opportunities to love and grow.
- my expectations set me up for failure- let go of expectations and enjoy the moments.
- it's okay to be transparent and real with where our family is and that it doesn't scare away the people who really love us.
- people will joyfully pray for what matters just by asking, and how sweet it is when they share the joy and split the sorrows of life.
- being a Grammy is flat fun
- I am blessed beyond measure and it is in the giving of thanks for the good, bad and hard where the joy is unspeakable.
Goodbye 2014- you're one of those years that won't ever be forgotten but I'm kind of glad to see you go.
Happy New Year Y'all!