Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Always my Sunshine!

I don't know if we're ever really ready for our children to leave home.  I know we start preparing them for this the minute they are born.  Personally, I've dreaded it since I first held him in my arms.   I knew it was coming, and the older he got, the faster time flew. I've watched my close friends and my brother/sister send their kids off into the world and thought I got it.  Now, I get it.  It, is the strangest feeling ever.

In the last week or so, I might burst into tears when I pass his room and see him sleeping, with those same curled up fingers, that fist he's made since the womb.  I might burst into tears when I see his jeans, boots, t-shirts and toothpaste packed up in the camo duffel bag we bought him for Christmas what seems like decades ago, the one he put his best friend Phillip in to show how big it was. I might burst into tears when I think about I won't know where he is and what he's doing and if he is safe.  I might burst into tears when I realize his razor, toothbrush and comb aren't in the bathroom anymore when I open the cabinet.  I might burst into tears when I plan the week ahead and remember that he won't be here. I might burst into tears when I see him hold his brothers and whisper that he'll miss them.  I might burst into tears just because I woke up this morning and knew it was the last day together before he spreads his wings and flies.

A weird thing happened in this last year since he graduated.  This son of mine,  in the process of growing up and becoming a man,  became my friend.  Our conversations have changed.  He has supported and been our strength through some tough days.

I know he'll be back.  I know I'll see him as often as possible.  I know he will always be my Shaynie.

And I also know that things will never be the same, part of me is leaving.  And for that, I might burst into tears. Sad and Happy - Proud Hot tears.

I was helping him pack this week and a few things dawned on me that I hadn't been intentional about telling him. Important things that I think he needs to know like...

  • Checking pockets WILL save money on laundry; it's worth a few minutes to not have to replace the entire load. 

  • Don't skimp on Kleenex and Toilet Paper.  Buy the good stuff. 

  • If you're ever not sure if food has gone bad- it has.  Throw it away! 

  • Don't leave your paycheck laying in your unlocked car.  Your Dad gets away with it, but most people end up having theirs stolen. 

  • You can ALWAYS call your Momma! 

  • Use rectangle laundry baskets.  Round ones don't hold enough.
  • If you fold your sheets and pillow cases- fold from long end to end first.  And those fitted sheets, forget it, just wad them up and be done with it. 

  • All the Rules and Reminders you hated growing up are now your compass, let them guide you as you choose right. 
  • You can only reuse a towel so many times before it has to be washed. Trust me.

  • Make your bed- it's more relaxing to climb in after a long day of class, work and missing your family. 

  • You can survive on Ra men Noodles and Pop-Tarts, but eat good when you can. 

  • Find a good church where you can worship and fellowship with people you connect with.  They will be the people who encourage and support you when life gets harder.  Don't play church.  Be real with your faith.
  • You will miss me singing, You are my Sunshine, to you.  You won't admit it, but you'll miss it. 

  • Everybody, even single college guys need a Christmas tree, so I got you a special one. 

My baby is moving out, leaving home and taking up residence in another state.  And I might burst into tears.

Happy Wednesday y'all!

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Sacred Spaces.

That's what she calls the work we're doing.  She, is our in-home counselor.  We didn't want her.  We didn't want to need her.  But then again, we didn't want to have to clean up the mess created before we knew our boys.  We didn't want to walk this journey. 

But we are.  

As parents of a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) we find ourselves desperate.  In crisis.  At the end of our rope.  Confused and near hopeless.

So we stepped out of our comfort zone for the sake of our son, and opened our home to her. And we do need her.  And she is a blessing to our family.

Sacred Spaces.

When the issues of the heart flow from the mouth, it can be sweet.  Or it can be ugly.  It can take you completely by surprise.  The issues flowing from the heart, might take you into your son's dark closet where you find yourself weeping with him as he spills forth feelings kept bottled inside for way too long and begs to know why and what.   

His grief, equal to his anger and rage- we call spewing venom. And the venom, it feels like poison- taking our breath away and paralyzing us with disbelief that those hateful and mean words come out of the same little boy that hours later say "I love you Mommy, I'm sorry" and giggles over Duck Dynasty. 

The sacred spaces- where truth pours out because it's been shoved deep down and can't be shoved any further and can't be hidden not even with his Halloween pumpkin; where truth can't be told when begged for because we don't have it.  The place where the pain of your child dealing with demons and memories and fears and looking for needs that we might not be able to meet no matter how much we want to and how hard we try- it's a sacred space. 


We're just getting started on this journey into the sacred spaces of healing.  The road is scary and almost sure to be long and isn't guaranteed to end where we want it to.  But we'll keep walking it, because in his dark closet holding my son tonight, I saw a distant light of hope.  And hope is everything.

"To console those who mourn in Zion, o give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified." 
Isaiah 61:3

Happy Thursday y'all!

Sunday, November 10, 2013

And the (NON load bearing) wall came tumbling down- for good.

We recently knocked a wall out in our house. 
Partly, because we could.
Mostly, because we love have family and friends over and we wanted a room big enough for everyone to be in one place.

Some of the project was a bit shocking.  Like finding out the built in cabinet I loved wasn't built in at all.  That some of the ceiling had new drywall, some of the walls were thicker than others and the floor was completely uneven between the two rooms.  Oh, and that one piece of knob and tube we found hidden in the wall...

... old Farmhouse charm. 

during, dining room facing den- loved the plaster between the boards

during, den side facing dining room


We are still cleaning dust from every other inch of the house.  How it got upstairs, I don't know.

peek-a-boo I see through you
the process ain't pretty people

doorway to bedroom- gone, drywall going up
before, from den facing dining room (left of door)
before, from den facing dining room (right of door- at office)
 We like the soft copper paint color, so we repeated it in the new room

after, from edge of office door facing kitchen
before, from kitchen looking through dining room into den (open doorway to bedroom
and can barely see basement doorway far right) 
after, couch is where wall and doorway to bedroom was- basement door where it always was 

after, another picture from kitchen doorway

after, from basement door facing bathroom door and kitchen on left

It was a good decision and we are glad we did it.. just in time for Christmas sleepovers!

And thank you Adam Ayers who did a most excellent job - working nights and weekends to finish this mega project in two weeks.

Happy Sunday y'all!

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Biddy Bowl November 2 2013

It was a gorgeous day for football.
Isaiah's first Biddy Bowl. 
His first time being introduced and his tackles announced.
His first time playing on a field that wasn't grass.    

Introducing South City Warriors, Isaiah Allen#20

Touch Down- love the ball in the air

oh yea, that's my baby doing the back bend

and now a little flip

always with the shoe laces

not so fast you...

taking him down

another tackle by #20, Isaiah Allen

saying hi to Uncle Keith at half time

I love this one.

and back at it

taking on the big boys

receiving his medal, which he pronounces "middle" cause he is just that cute

so big and so small


getting some of this proud mommy's lovin'

team photo- mean faces

we're number 1

what just happened here?

don't ever grow up, okay?
Happy Saturday y'all!
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