Thursday, June 6, 2013

Missing me.

I knew he was a bit off when I dropped him off at daycare this morning.  He's been telling me about a couple of kids that are "mean to him".  The ones that won't let you play with them unless you bring the toy from home they want to "borrow" or the one that has to be the boss.

When we walked in, he whispered in my ear... "I don't like him mommy, he's mean"

I gave him the pep talk we moms who work outside the home give our kids when we leave them in the care of other people when we really just want to grab them up and head back home.

I appreciate time away from my kids to regroup, but most of the time I hate that they are spending their days with somebody else.  I wish I could just be mommy every day, not a working mommy.

I feel guilty. 

I assured him it would be okay, got another hug and headed for the door.  He didn't take his eyes off of me this morning so I kept looking back at him.  He blew me a kiss and sat down with his DS next to the one he didn't like.

He waved, I blew a kiss and we both headed into the day.

We spent our night celebrating Allie's birthday at Keith and Jill's.  He came and got on my lap a couple of times- but spent most the night playing with baby Delaney.

We got home and he put on his pajamas for bed, and I heard those feet coming down the stairs.  There he stood, tears in his eyes when he confessed...

"mommy, you know when you left me today and I looked at you- I cried when you left because I miss you so much. I don't get to snuggle with you much and I'm sad, can we snuggle, and where is Shayne I miss him so much too."  

Be still my heart- he used his words.  Powerful words. .

I certainly never refuse an offer to snuggle.  We stood on the stairs for several minutes, just hugging.  Then I followed him to his room.  I asked him if he was worried- "yes" he answered.

He's going through what a lot of kids go through- he's scared I'm going to get hurt, or killed.  So I hold him and ask him to remember who keeps us safe.  I'm a few inches from his face, and I can feel his breath when he whispers "God does"

He wraps his little arms around me and tells me he loves me.  I tell him I love him too.

And I watch him sleep a while, missing the baby that is hiding inside the 7 year old body of my sweet Isaiah.  And I cherish the gift of him.

Happy Thursday y'all! 

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