Thursday, January 31, 2013

Isaiah does dental surgery.

This baby of mine-

yes, the one who is all smiles

had some pretty extensive dental surgery Wednesday

and even with the cool cartoons his favorite part of pre-op was his new socks

and then he got a little nervous- which was okay because Mommy and Daddy were a little nervous too. 

Anesthesia and 2+hours of surgery for a little guy does that, you know.

and once it was done the nurses report he was" the best patient of the day"

he refused any more pictures until...


he was pumped up on pain meds and headed home in his cool wheelchair.
yes, this baby of mine,  the one smiling through a very sore and numb mouth 
was a real trooper and we are all glad this is behind us.
Happy Wednesday y'all!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Georgia on my mind.

As mentioned waaay back at Christmas, my husband gave me the coolest present ever.

A girls only get-away with my best friend.
Anywhere I wanted to go.
Five days.
No guilt, no payback.
Just because he loved me.

After stressing for a few weeks trying to figure out where, when and what, I decided on Savannah, GA.  The weather forecast was helpful in the decision making and since neither Teri nor I had ever been before, it seemed like a good chance to take.

Without making y'all all jealous and sinful in your hearts, I'll just do a quick summary.
Slept late(r than normal), ate what we wanted, when we wanted, where we wanted, as often as we wanted which included a stop at Paula Dean's restaurant and her fried chicken. Enjoyed the Palm trees that didn't have coconuts on them :)  Rode trolleys, took tours.  Dug our toes in the sand and soaked up the sun on Tybee Island.  We shopped outlets and boutiques.  We may have spent an entire evening in our own beds covered with down watching HGTV.  We enjoyed a few meals overlooking the Savannah River and each had a 50 minute massage, and mani-pedi's in the wonderful on-site spa.  Which was a big help relieving the turn-about trauma that seemed to show up everywhere we went.  And what is it about those fluffy white robes and ugly plastic sandals that makes a gal feel all girly and special?

We had a blast!

You say Palmetto, I say PALM trees. Yay for both.
Touring the Isaiah Davenport house
the BFF, she'll hate this picture but will forgive me for using it
 'cause I like it
coolest door, just happens to be inside
 the bathroom stall at Lady & Sons

Lady and Sons- dinner buffet

Me & Teri - the only picture we got of us together
View of Savannah River from our hotel balcony

a little thank you in the sand

And then it was time to come home which meant trading the 80 degree sunshine for soaking, cold rain.

And discovering someone had stolen the Green Machines the boys got for Christmas.
And getting our first real winter storm and loosing electricity for an evening.
And spending a lot of time with my mother-in-law who was admitted to the hospital last Thursday. 

I've crammed a lot of appointments into the last week, including financial planners, occupational therapists, dentists, chiropractors, doctors and pool installers.   

Because I needed to get as much done as possible before starting a new job Monday where "hit the ground running" feels a little like an understatement. (which is okay, because I'm happy happy happy Jack) 

There's been no time for writing or cleaning or blogging or much else, so I'd be a lying if I didn't confess that GA is on my mind.  Yes indeed, a repeat of the massage and laying on the warm beach sure would be wonderful 'bout now.

Happy Wednesday y'all!

Friday, January 18, 2013

FMF: Cherished

It's Friday. It's another five minutes of free writing with Lisa-Jo Baker.

Five Minute Friday

The eyes of my boys when they light up with joy.  The "stop mom" when I sing You are my Sunshine to Shayne the entire time he is letting me finish my song.   The love notes on yellow lined sticky pads with mis-spelled words and the broken hand- painted bulbs from a first grade art class.   With each year comes a different kind of respect and cherishing because the older I get, the more life is changing around me and I can't stop it.   So I seem to cherish more and more with each day -- my man.  Not just the googly-eyed just fallin' in love man of more than two and half decades ago.  Oh, I still love him and crave his hugs, his hand in mine, and the laughing and the talking and the silliness.  I'm just not sure we'll ever get that silly eyed not a care in the world love again.  Life and years seem to bring a seriousness that the googly-eyed gets lost in.  And in that seriousness grows a new love and respect.  And  this man of mine,who keeps loving me through my growing up and life's changes and manages to still like me--he is to be cherished.  I love you Rex Allen.  

Happy Friday y'all!

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Hard truth for a 7 year old.

My kids went back to daycare last week.  With a new job on the horizon we needed to be sure the childcare was consistent every day. They have been overjoyed to be back because they have missed having kids to play with.  I still get the guilt trip for ruining their lives by pulling them out of daycare before.

When I told the boys, Elijah said "if there are kids, then I'm in."   Isaiah just wanted to play.  And so far, they have fit right in and both of them are  
Happy Happy Happy.

Elijah, my social bug made a friend the first day- we'll call her Miss M.  He has talked non-stop about her and she quickly became his girlfriend. She's 8.

So when the boys were chatting at breakfast this morning about normal boy stuff, I wasn't expecting it.  I never am, and I don't know why, because it's nothing new for him to totally catch me off-guard.  

Mommy- yes baby
Miss M. said she can't be my girlfriend anymore- her Mommy said she can't date brown boys. 

I don't know where the obsession for dating and going out came from at age 7- but that's for another day. 

He told me this made him sad and feel bad. He asked why she couldn't be his girlfriend, just because he is brown. He told me it wasn't his fault he is brown, that God made him that way. 

And he is right. 

But the answers aren't easy and we know that he'll face this for the rest of his life.

Rex and I have been learning to deal with it since our first bi-racial foster children decades ago; but as far as I know this is the first time he's come face to face with it.

And since he's only 7, I know how I respond will set the foundation.  So a quick shout out to God for wisdom before telling him the truth, in the same casual way he told me.  

Elijah, it's called prejudice.  I told him that sometimes brown people are prejudiced to white people, and sometimes white people are prejudiced to brown people. 

I told him prejudice is wrong. 

And I told him that our family believes that he is free to be friends with, yes even date whoever he wants.  The color of their skin doesn't matter to us as long as they love Jesus.

And for today that seemed to be all he could handle.

Happy Thursday y'all!


Sunday, January 6, 2013

I am that Momma.

Some days I am that Momma.  The one I never wanted to be.

Days like today.

That Momma who couldn't find her patience if it slapped me in the face.  That Momma who wants to laugh but feels too much pressure and in a twisted way feels like laughter might mean I didn't understand the enormity of my responsibility.

That momma who hears herself barking orders and making demands and screaming.  Yes, screaming. 

And the words start spewing out. 

I only wanted him to be quiet.  To stop talking to hear what I had to say.  I wanted him to stop making an argument for his side, long enough to see mine.

But he wouldn't be quiet.  He wouldn't stop talking.  He wouldn't trust me that I was the adult.  And then I heard it.

Shut your mouth. 

and he kept talking.


Was I screaming this at my child in real life?  If there was any doubt, I knew it was true when I saw his face. His eyes gave witness.

And I remembered the feeling. 

The frustration boiling up to your eyeballs, the internal volcano waiting to explode but some force holding a lid on it.  The internal battle to let it out or to keep it in. 

I remembered the desperation to be able to let my feeling flow freely but never daring to do so. 

And in that moment I was holding the lid down on his volcano and I knew it.

But I didn't know how to fix it.

So I kept "parenting" and arguing my side.  Drilling in to him why it was wrong for him to keep talking.  "Because I said so" in that moment was all I had and in my gut I knew it wasn't enough. 

And then the days and weeks and months of knowing I am holding the lid on his volcano and not knowing how to teach him to let his feelings, emotions and words erupt- in a respectful way- crashed down on me. And I feel like I'm suffocating.  And I'm ashamed.

Because I'm not sure I know how to teach that. 

I tell him to go to the "screaming spot" in the garage and let it all out.  The one place where he can scream or cry and say whatever he needs to feel better- because I don't have to hear it there.  I tell him to go and scream and to throw his fit but he doesn't want to. 

 I know what he really wants.  He wants to be heard.  And loved.  And to feel safe to know he's loved in the hearing.  But I don't know what that looks like yet.  And the fear of getting it wrong and the judgement of others weighs heavy. 

So in an effort to avoid what I don't have figured out yet, I send them out to play and I go where every momma goes when she needs a minute or 60. I hide in the bathroom.  And I hear my self screaming those ugly words that aren't allowed in our house  shut up in my head over and over and flash to my teenager who screams it at his brothers and I remember all the times I tell him it's not okay.  And I am painfully aware that I have been his teacher.  

So I tell my boys I am sorry. 
One by one- all three.

Sorry for screaming and using words that I don't allow. 
Sorry for setting the example that if you get frustrated enough and only then it's okay.
Sorry for not knowing how to let my boys express their feelings without taking it as a personal attack.

I ask them to forgive me.  And with a hug they do, and they tell me it's okay.

And I tell them I will try harder not to be that Momma anymore.

Happy Sunday y'all!

Friday, January 4, 2013

FMF: Opportunity

It's Friday. It's another five minutes of free writing with Lisa-Jo Baker.

Five Minute Friday

New opportunities seem all fancy and fun and full of promise.

And when we first sieze them they usually are. We go full force into new ones because of the excitement and the thrill.  Getting married, becoming a foster mom, having a baby, starting a new job, joining a church, volunteering at school and the list goes on and on.  We don't all get the same opportunities, and sometimes that gets us a little out-of-sorts, especially when I want your opportunity and you might be jealous of mine.

But then after a little time,  it no longer feels like an opportunity it just feels like life.  It gets hard and boring and exhausting.  The glamour is gone and we start second guessing whether or not it was an opportunity or a curse. 

We have no choice but to keep putting one foot in front of the other and walk on, so we kep on.  

We keep loving kids that didn't choose us and forget that the opportunity wasn't for an easy road.  It was for a life-long unconditional do it when you don't feel like it kind of love that not everybody else in your life signed up for with you.

We keep trying to be good enough for God to use us and find out it is really in the I'll never measure up so take me as I am obedience when God gives us new chances to show His glory.

We keep being wives and moms and employees and friends years after the first glimpse of the opportunity arose, because it is in the keep on keeping on that the blessings of the opportunities are hidden.

So, the next opportunity that comes up- don't shy away from it.  And don't over-think it, as I am tempted to do.

Maybe you can do something bigger than yourself for somebody you might not even know- or at least keep doing what you do every day and know that it is for a greater purpose.

Yep, most of our opportunities look different for each of us but there is one that is open to all of us- the opportunity to love God and in turn love His people. 
And that opportunity is one that will always be full of promise.

Happy Friday y'all!

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Just bragging on God!

I have been unemployed for three days.

I wasn't in any kind of a hurry to go job hunting.  I am flat tired.  You know what my crazy life is like.  I'm dreaming of a few naps people.  And since the mere thought of interviews made my stomach hurt I was content to take some time with my severance and not rush it.  But, I did get my resume' cleaned up and started linking up on Linked In.  That's just good sense.

If anything, I had big plans of doing nothing.  For a while at least.  Or, maybe I would decide to be unemployed forever.  You know- stay home, clean out some closets, blog all day while the kids are at school, be home when they get out of school and greet them with warm chocolate chip cookies, volunteer as much as possible and maybe even learn to sew. I told my team I was going to take some time, and figure out what I want to be when I grow up. 

Don't judge my dreams people; I've had these visions since I was eight I tell you.   

Being home with my children for two weeks has worn me plum out. Granted, when you throw in a couple of really important holidays, a trip out of town, days of shopping and wrapping, several family get-together's, a few party's, baking and extra cooking it sure makes life a bit more chaotic. 

I finally got my kitchen floor mopped today since the Walton weekend, and forget sewing, I think I'm a throw it away and start over kind of girl

But I am so enjoying the nothingness of being home and wasn't in any hurry for it to end.

Which is why I am blown away to tell you that I was offered a new job today and the details are near perfect. 

"It shall come to pass that before they call, I will answer: and while they are still speaking, I will hear"
Isaiah 65:24

With so many people loosing their jobs and having to search for months even years to find another,  I know that this is all God and He gets the praise and glory. 

So, what do you do when you want to do nothing but a near perfect job comes just 3 days after being unemployed you ask?

You accept it. 
And so I did.

I start January 21.

Happy Thursday y'all!

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