Friday, November 2, 2012

Panic Attack.

My mother-in-law used to tell me that I wasn't okay unless I was "fine".  If I told her I was good, okay or anything else when she asked, she'd say "what's wrong" and she was usually right.

I'm trying to be fine with this whole my son wants to be a marine thing.  

Today, it got to me.  I'm not sure how it invaded my day between meetings and uh, meetings.  But like an uninvited kid showing up at the bathroom door as soon the mommy closes it for 5 minutes of peace and quiet, it was there knocking.

As the waves of nausea rolled over me, I could feel my heart beating in my throat.  I couldn't breathe.

I decided it was a good time for a lunch break so I could get this thing under control.  I gasped my way to the car.  I prayed.

I know I am not the first nor will I be the last momma to have to learn how to stop doing what we've done since before our children took their first breath.  We are designed to make sure our children are safe, and their basic needs are met.  We feed them, cover them to keep them warm, and protect them from sticks and stones and words that hurt. 

I understand the purpose of boot camp.  I know it is necessary.  And I know that once he leaves everything will change.  My control- gone. 

We're in the very first steps of this journey, but I'm already learning some things.  In the midst of my panic today I learned
  • I need to be very selective in what I read 
  • the words of other Marine mommas are very comforting and welcomed
  • I can't pray enough for my son
So indulge us here at 5ALLENZ as I figure out just what a momma is to do when her child wants to be a Marine.  And if you've got it figured out, I'm open to suggestions.

Happy Friday y'all!

1 comment:

  1. Bless your heart! Been there done that. My son is now 19 and going into his second year as a Marine. He has not been deployed yet, but I remember when he was 15 and told me that he wanted to join. I laughed it off until at 17, and a month before he was to graduate high school I was on my way to the recruiter's office with him because I was determined to talk him out of it and not sign up for him to go.

    I prayed and realized that this was exactly what he wanted and after the agreement that he study for the ASVAB and pass it with an exceptional score (No offense, but did not want to hear that all he could be was a grunt!) I would sign for early enlistment. He did as I asked and here we are. I can't tell you the anxiety I felt. I was the first woman to sign up for the military in my family, and now I understand how my mom felt. You will experience times of tears and loneliness, but there is nothing more rewarding then seeing your child march out on that concrete grinder after graduating from 14 grueling weeks of boot camp. Pray for him, encourage him, and know that God has him. He is headed for some challenging times in Parris Island; and please don't let the last leg of basic training scare you; called the Crucible. It's designed to really show what they are made of. I will pray for you; it's normal to feel this way. Much love and success to you and yours.

    Dawn Nicole


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