Wednesday, December 7, 2011



You know it by now, right?


The call came very early in the day.  Not good news.  (is it ever?)

Just when we think we've hit the max, our family finds a new max. 

"Doesn't happen much in First Grade" we were told.

He can't even say the word.  On the way home, he mutters through tears and frustration  "Mommy, I'm sorry I got extapended today"

I'm sorry he got extapended too. 

I have never considered myself to be a proud person. But with each day God is revealing my prideful heart.  Exposing me like naked baby. 

My God Daddy loves me so much He is showing me that I am indeed prideful.  Prideful because I have been so confident in myself, my ability to figure things out and keep it all together.  He loves me so much He has ordered my steps in a journey where I can't figure things out.  I can't even anticipate what will come next. 

Being a good legalistic Baptist (insert sarcastic grin) I grew up with the verse "pride goes before a fall" rolling off my tongue at just the right moment (of judgment) against others.  Thinking it had some grand spiritual meaning reserved for the obvious prideful person.  

What if, the verse was actually meant for me- meaning something like:

pride goes before a fall of the imperfect mom who thought she had it all together to her knees so she can see me (God) and need more of me than she needs of herself?

With every phone call, every exasperated adult who brings our son back to us to "handle", with every stare from a stranger who witnesses a meltdown, with every embarrassing and fearful moment I am falling.  Falling on my knees and safely into the hands of the one who holds my heart.  

I am becoming totally dependent on my God Daddy for my survival from one day to the next.  I continue to beg God to give me wisdom, to give me strength, to give me courage, to increase my faith and help me to love unconditionally.

And, just like I love my son whether he's being suspended or on "green" God continues to love me whether I'm standing upright trying to make it in my own strength or falling flat on my face at His feet.  

I'm just glad He won't extapend me from the palm of His hand!

Happy Wednesday y'all!

1 comment:

  1. As a teacher myself, I can only imagine what you are going through. Every morning before I go to work to 23 five-year olds I have to ask God for strength, as well as having an 18-year old away from home in the Marines who still calls me when he gets down. Continue on your journey, and know that you are not alone.


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