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Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Growing Pains & Crutches
I've got growing pains.
I'm not talking about physical growing pains, although I do seem to have mastered the growing in size. Let's face it, I will never be a size 10 again. Moving on.
I'm talking about growing pains in my heart, and in my spirit. In my acceptance of what is.
I keep telling myself I have accepted, but I have not.
What is, isn't what I want it to be.
I fight it.
I try to ignore the ugly truth of it.
But, it still is.
The phone calls started weeks ago. I knew they would, but I was in denial until the numbers grew---two- three a week, five a week, one a day, two a day. At least my boys are sharing, neither really hogging the center of these discussions. Calls from school teachers. Calls from the principal. Calls from the asst- principal. Calls about the bus. Calls about the classroom. Calls about the playground. Calls from their case manager.
561-8165 on my caller id freaks me out. just sayin!
And that doesn't include calls from daycare. Calls from OT. Calls from the transportation dept. Calls from the therapist.
I wanted to believe since this is a new year, it's a clean slate. That we will succeed.
Maybe my kids don't really have special needs.
I mean, there are kids in obvious special needs situations. You see them at first glance, and know. But my kids, they look normal if you will.
After 45 minutes of a recent lunch hour spent hearing the problems during the school day, I hung up the phone exhausted and discouraged. I am so thankful for her optimism, and her willingness to do all she can. And I know she is making a difference. She thinks he is great and she tells him so. He needs that. But she is one person of the many in his day. I tell her the honeymoon is over. She says she won't let it be. I say, my real son is showing up. He has held it together as long as he can. The newness of the school year, the teachers, the new friends, is over. I am worried that without the newly requested Occupational Therapy at home, in the therapist's office and incorporating the new strategies at school, he will continue the downward spiral. She is worried about making him dependent on "crutches".
When is more better than none?
Rex and I joked with my sister, and our bestest friends about how long we'd get into the year before we found ourselves in this place. I guess we have our answer. We still joke- humor softens the sting of reality.
He is angry. He is scared. He is broken.
My boys need structure. The slightest change sends them in a tail spin. We live in chaos.
Chaos often created by them. The mis-queues of their hurt are confusing for us. I do not yet read them correctly.
I keep hearing her say she is afraid of giving him crutches, so I've been thinking about that. I, more than anyone want my sons to succeed. More than good grades, success in fitting in with peers. To be able to transition without fail. To know what, and when words and behaviors are appropriate.
Which, by the way, is not telling a first grader she is sexy. sigh.
I want them to accept life's disappointments. To accept life's joyful surprises. To accept life's mundane over and over and overs.
I don't like the decisions we are being asked to make. I don't like the lack of effort from other people to understand. I don't like the fact that my children have needs, different than what I know. We say it, but I don't want to believe it. I want their actions to mirror the appearance of their physical bodies- that all is well.
They are not all well.
They are broken.
Each with their breaks in different places, for different reasons- but they are broken.
Aren't crutches for the aid in the healing of broken, wounded bodies. A broken leg that continues to bear weight won't properly heal. You might be able to walk, but the pain felt, not seen will follow you always. So when our bodies break, we take up crutches and do not assume that the 6 weeks or so of dependence will lead to a lifetime of need. The crutches do their job until healing is complete, and then they are discarded.
I can no longer ask my children to bear weight on their broken hearts, souls and spirits. I will not let pride stop me from putting their needs first. I am growing.
I will give them crutches. The teachers may resist. The church may resist. Their friends and families may resist. I understand, they resist because they do not fully see or feel what I see. They see cute, engaging, funny little boys. They do not feel the breaks of their tiny hearts beating chest to chest with mine. They do not see the tears fall from their faces onto ours. They do not hear their fearsspoken screamed at us. And it isn't their job to. It's ours.
My boys need healing. I don't know how long the healing will take. I would never have imagined their broken places wouldn't be whole by now. But instead of healing, we keep finding more cracks, more breaks in their secret places.
I wish I had answers. I wish I knew what lies ahead. I wish I were stronger and the growing pains didn't scare me?
I keep finding myself flat on my tear stained face begging God for answers. Why? Why did two precious boys have to begin in such a hurtful place. Why isn't our love enough? Will it ever be enough?
I beg for wisdom. I beg for rest. I beg for the promise that their healing will come quick.
And, while I beg and cry and ask God why, I know that the answers may not come. We may have to wait. We may need crutches forever. I fear their healing may not be whole this side of heaven. And what if it isn't?
Will I love God anyway?
Is He still good.... ALL the time?
Please don't feel sorry for me. I'm growing.
I'm growing in my faith. I'm growing in my trust. I'm growing in the resolve of my God Daddy who has my boy's broken hearts in the palm of His hands. Is God's Grace- Mercy-Love enough if they are never whole?
Yes! It is enough, and I will still love Him. I will love Him and I will thank Him for the brokenness.
Not perfectly, but in my weakness He is strong.
Psalm 18: 1-3
I WILL love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised.
Psalm 42: 1 & 11
As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You, O God. Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God.
Psalm 92: 1-2
It is good to give thanks to the Lord, and to sing praises to Your name, O Most High; to declare Your loving kindness in the morning, and Your faithfulness every night.
1000 Gifts#556-571
growing pains
little boy giggles- oh the joy!
a son- almost man passing getting his license
the sound of fall rain pounding on my windows
forgiveness
Sarah's testimony
a strong bear hug from my teenage son, followed by the because 'i'm happy"
brothers and sisters in Christ, praying together on a LAX bound flight
the testimonies of Bruce & Sammy Frye
the good bye kiss that made my head spin, really
the stranger who put my bag in overhead, so I could stop having to look up
the red and green checkerboard God created over Oklahoma
waking up to the Arizona mountaintops peaking through a white cloud carpet - I can never get enough of the view from above the clouds
my husband spending his entire day today fielding phone calls and making decisions
sunlight on tired sock feet
I'm growing, and it is okay with me.
What 'ya thankful for?
Robin
I'm not talking about physical growing pains, although I do seem to have mastered the growing in size. Let's face it, I will never be a size 10 again. Moving on.
I'm talking about growing pains in my heart, and in my spirit. In my acceptance of what is.
I keep telling myself I have accepted, but I have not.
What is, isn't what I want it to be.
I fight it.
I try to ignore the ugly truth of it.
But, it still is.
The phone calls started weeks ago. I knew they would, but I was in denial until the numbers grew---two- three a week, five a week, one a day, two a day. At least my boys are sharing, neither really hogging the center of these discussions. Calls from school teachers. Calls from the principal. Calls from the asst- principal. Calls about the bus. Calls about the classroom. Calls about the playground. Calls from their case manager.
561-8165 on my caller id freaks me out. just sayin!
And that doesn't include calls from daycare. Calls from OT. Calls from the transportation dept. Calls from the therapist.
I wanted to believe since this is a new year, it's a clean slate. That we will succeed.
Maybe my kids don't really have special needs.
I mean, there are kids in obvious special needs situations. You see them at first glance, and know. But my kids, they look normal if you will.
After 45 minutes of a recent lunch hour spent hearing the problems during the school day, I hung up the phone exhausted and discouraged. I am so thankful for her optimism, and her willingness to do all she can. And I know she is making a difference. She thinks he is great and she tells him so. He needs that. But she is one person of the many in his day. I tell her the honeymoon is over. She says she won't let it be. I say, my real son is showing up. He has held it together as long as he can. The newness of the school year, the teachers, the new friends, is over. I am worried that without the newly requested Occupational Therapy at home, in the therapist's office and incorporating the new strategies at school, he will continue the downward spiral. She is worried about making him dependent on "crutches".
When is more better than none?
Rex and I joked with my sister, and our bestest friends about how long we'd get into the year before we found ourselves in this place. I guess we have our answer. We still joke- humor softens the sting of reality.
He is angry. He is scared. He is broken.
My boys need structure. The slightest change sends them in a tail spin. We live in chaos.
Chaos often created by them. The mis-queues of their hurt are confusing for us. I do not yet read them correctly.
I keep hearing her say she is afraid of giving him crutches, so I've been thinking about that. I, more than anyone want my sons to succeed. More than good grades, success in fitting in with peers. To be able to transition without fail. To know what, and when words and behaviors are appropriate.
Which, by the way, is not telling a first grader she is sexy. sigh.
I want them to accept life's disappointments. To accept life's joyful surprises. To accept life's mundane over and over and overs.
I don't like the decisions we are being asked to make. I don't like the lack of effort from other people to understand. I don't like the fact that my children have needs, different than what I know. We say it, but I don't want to believe it. I want their actions to mirror the appearance of their physical bodies- that all is well.
They are not all well.
They are broken.
Each with their breaks in different places, for different reasons- but they are broken.
Aren't crutches for the aid in the healing of broken, wounded bodies. A broken leg that continues to bear weight won't properly heal. You might be able to walk, but the pain felt, not seen will follow you always. So when our bodies break, we take up crutches and do not assume that the 6 weeks or so of dependence will lead to a lifetime of need. The crutches do their job until healing is complete, and then they are discarded.
I can no longer ask my children to bear weight on their broken hearts, souls and spirits. I will not let pride stop me from putting their needs first. I am growing.
I will give them crutches. The teachers may resist. The church may resist. Their friends and families may resist. I understand, they resist because they do not fully see or feel what I see. They see cute, engaging, funny little boys. They do not feel the breaks of their tiny hearts beating chest to chest with mine. They do not see the tears fall from their faces onto ours. They do not hear their fears
My boys need healing. I don't know how long the healing will take. I would never have imagined their broken places wouldn't be whole by now. But instead of healing, we keep finding more cracks, more breaks in their secret places.
I wish I had answers. I wish I knew what lies ahead. I wish I were stronger and the growing pains didn't scare me?
I keep finding myself flat on my tear stained face begging God for answers. Why? Why did two precious boys have to begin in such a hurtful place. Why isn't our love enough? Will it ever be enough?
I beg for wisdom. I beg for rest. I beg for the promise that their healing will come quick.
And, while I beg and cry and ask God why, I know that the answers may not come. We may have to wait. We may need crutches forever. I fear their healing may not be whole this side of heaven. And what if it isn't?
Will I love God anyway?
Is He still good.... ALL the time?
Please don't feel sorry for me. I'm growing.
I'm growing in my faith. I'm growing in my trust. I'm growing in the resolve of my God Daddy who has my boy's broken hearts in the palm of His hands. Is God's Grace- Mercy-Love enough if they are never whole?
Yes! It is enough, and I will still love Him. I will love Him and I will thank Him for the brokenness.
Not perfectly, but in my weakness He is strong.
Psalm 18: 1-3
I WILL love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised.
Psalm 42: 1 & 11
As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You, O God. Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God.
Psalm 92: 1-2
It is good to give thanks to the Lord, and to sing praises to Your name, O Most High; to declare Your loving kindness in the morning, and Your faithfulness every night.
1000 Gifts#556-571
Early morning chats with my Daddy
a hug from Teri, at just the right time growing pains
little boy giggles- oh the joy!
a son- almost man passing getting his license
the sound of fall rain pounding on my windows
forgiveness
Sarah's testimony
a strong bear hug from my teenage son, followed by the because 'i'm happy"
brothers and sisters in Christ, praying together on a LAX bound flight
the testimonies of Bruce & Sammy Frye
the good bye kiss that made my head spin, really
the stranger who put my bag in overhead, so I could stop having to look up
the red and green checkerboard God created over Oklahoma
waking up to the Arizona mountaintops peaking through a white cloud carpet - I can never get enough of the view from above the clouds
my husband spending his entire day today fielding phone calls and making decisions
sunlight on tired sock feet
I'm growing, and it is okay with me.
What 'ya thankful for?
Robin
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Onward. Pinky Promise.
My youngest has a daily ritual.
Pinky Promises.
I must pinky promise every day that I will wave to him when we say goodbye. It started at daycare about a year ago. I don't know where it came from, just one morning he looked at me with those big beautiful eyes, and asked so sweetly, "pinky promise mommy". And, so the ritual began. I'd say goodbye in his classroom including the hugs and kisses and then as soon as I'd get outside, I'd go to the window and wave and throw kisses. He would stand at the window until I showed up. Even when I was stopped by another teacher, or delayed. He waited at that window refusing to be distracted by play, or snacks or anything until I fulfilled my promise. Poor Daddy, who was not aware of our ritual and dropped him off one morning. Isaiah assumed he knew, and went all to pieces when Daddy didn't wave when he got outside. He stood at the window, falling apart. So much so, the teacher went and retrieved Rex from the car to come and wave. Now, Daddy gets to do pinky promises too, on his mornings. Isaiah moved to a new class during the summer, and the ritual promoted too. This time, it was a wave from the other side of the 2 X 9 inch glass hole in the door. Sometimes the door was open. No matter. I pinky promised to wave when I left the room, and so I did.
Now, he is a big kindergartner and he rides the big yellow bus everyday. The bus stop is about 4 houses up from us, and 'bout the time we hit the end of our driveway, he starts. You wave to me Mommy? Pinky Promise?
Yes, honey, I promise.
And every morning I keep my word. I start waving as soon as he leaves my arms reach, as he climbs the steps. I have noticed, he is still so worried that I might not keep my promise, he looks back to me instead of looking where he is going.
This creates a small problem for him. This morning, as he has done many times this year he fell up the steps on the bus. He falls, because he isn't looking where he is going. After I do the obligatory mom reaction, you know, jumping as if I could stop it, I do enjoy the quick change of expression on the drivers face. She can use a change of expression, I'm just saying. Anyway, Isaiah quickly hops up and finds his seat, but keeps looking looking at me to make sure I'm waving, as I promised to do.
Seems silly sometimes.
After all the days we have behind us, the day after day of keeping my promise to him, he still requires his little pinky wrapped around my pinky as proof.
I was walking back to the house this morning, thinking about this ritual. God has made promises to me, better than pinky promises. And day after day, I look backwards to find assurance that the promises are true.
Looking back isn't all bad. The looking back gives us a basis to trust. Eventually, Isaiah will learn that I am a mommy who keeps her word. And, looking back gives me history of God keeping His promises to me. But there has to be a balance between the looking back and the onward moving, or we take a tumble. I am coming clean and admitting in my own life the looking back sometimes hinders me from moving onward.
I wonder if I'll ever get so secure in His promises that I can remain undistracted by anything that would take my focus off of His promises. So secure, that I can look forward and know that the promises are true. Will I ever trust Him completely and stop falling on my face in doubt?
Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward - to Jesus.
Philippians 3:13 (MSG)
I'm sure going to try. Onward friends!
Happy Thursday Y'all!
Pinky Promises.
I must pinky promise every day that I will wave to him when we say goodbye. It started at daycare about a year ago. I don't know where it came from, just one morning he looked at me with those big beautiful eyes, and asked so sweetly, "pinky promise mommy". And, so the ritual began. I'd say goodbye in his classroom including the hugs and kisses and then as soon as I'd get outside, I'd go to the window and wave and throw kisses. He would stand at the window until I showed up. Even when I was stopped by another teacher, or delayed. He waited at that window refusing to be distracted by play, or snacks or anything until I fulfilled my promise. Poor Daddy, who was not aware of our ritual and dropped him off one morning. Isaiah assumed he knew, and went all to pieces when Daddy didn't wave when he got outside. He stood at the window, falling apart. So much so, the teacher went and retrieved Rex from the car to come and wave. Now, Daddy gets to do pinky promises too, on his mornings. Isaiah moved to a new class during the summer, and the ritual promoted too. This time, it was a wave from the other side of the 2 X 9 inch glass hole in the door. Sometimes the door was open. No matter. I pinky promised to wave when I left the room, and so I did.
Now, he is a big kindergartner and he rides the big yellow bus everyday. The bus stop is about 4 houses up from us, and 'bout the time we hit the end of our driveway, he starts. You wave to me Mommy? Pinky Promise?
Yes, honey, I promise.
And every morning I keep my word. I start waving as soon as he leaves my arms reach, as he climbs the steps. I have noticed, he is still so worried that I might not keep my promise, he looks back to me instead of looking where he is going.
This creates a small problem for him. This morning, as he has done many times this year he fell up the steps on the bus. He falls, because he isn't looking where he is going. After I do the obligatory mom reaction, you know, jumping as if I could stop it, I do enjoy the quick change of expression on the drivers face. She can use a change of expression, I'm just saying. Anyway, Isaiah quickly hops up and finds his seat, but keeps looking looking at me to make sure I'm waving, as I promised to do.
Seems silly sometimes.
After all the days we have behind us, the day after day of keeping my promise to him, he still requires his little pinky wrapped around my pinky as proof.
I was walking back to the house this morning, thinking about this ritual. God has made promises to me, better than pinky promises. And day after day, I look backwards to find assurance that the promises are true.
Looking back isn't all bad. The looking back gives us a basis to trust. Eventually, Isaiah will learn that I am a mommy who keeps her word. And, looking back gives me history of God keeping His promises to me. But there has to be a balance between the looking back and the onward moving, or we take a tumble. I am coming clean and admitting in my own life the looking back sometimes hinders me from moving onward.
I wonder if I'll ever get so secure in His promises that I can remain undistracted by anything that would take my focus off of His promises. So secure, that I can look forward and know that the promises are true. Will I ever trust Him completely and stop falling on my face in doubt?
Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward - to Jesus.
Philippians 3:13 (MSG)
I'm sure going to try. Onward friends!
Happy Thursday Y'all!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Once Lost, Now Found!
I have a grandmother I never met. I never will. But, until this past Saturday I wasn't sure who she was. My momma has found her mother. Her mother who left when she was about my young boy's ages, and she never heard from her again. There was much speculation over the years. The biggest questions of course - Why, and Did she love me?
My mom got those answers on Saturday.
How spine-chilling to hear my mom on the other end of the line say- "My momma loved me!"
That is just so right.
How fun is it going to be when I meet my step-aunts, and cousins in October, seeing my grandma's picture and hearing about the grandma I'll never see on this side of heaven. To observe the reunion of my mom and her family and take it all in.
We may not fully understand why finding her came after she died.
But I know, that I know that my God Daddy is sovereign, and He is in control, of even this. More to come on my grandma, Lucille Bolton Boseley.
1000 Gifts #544-555
Isaiah wiping his brothers tears
peach tea with fresh peaches as ice
worship, wherever
a grandmother once lost, now found.
intermittent non-dizziness
the humanness of my pastor
"I will Rise" and the hope the song brings
white chicken chili on a cool night
Ms. Meadows and
clean slates
a no-tantrum Monday morning
Psalm 27:13-14--- I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart, and wait for the Lord.
Happy Monday y'all!
My mom got those answers on Saturday.
How spine-chilling to hear my mom on the other end of the line say- "My momma loved me!"
That is just so right.
How fun is it going to be when I meet my step-aunts, and cousins in October, seeing my grandma's picture and hearing about the grandma I'll never see on this side of heaven. To observe the reunion of my mom and her family and take it all in.
We may not fully understand why finding her came after she died.
But I know, that I know that my God Daddy is sovereign, and He is in control, of even this. More to come on my grandma, Lucille Bolton Boseley.
1000 Gifts #544-555
Isaiah wiping his brothers tears
peach tea with fresh peaches as ice
worship, wherever
a grandmother once lost, now found.
intermittent non-dizziness
the humanness of my pastor
"I will Rise" and the hope the song brings
white chicken chili on a cool night
Ms. Meadows and
clean slates
a no-tantrum Monday morning
Psalm 27:13-14--- I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart, and wait for the Lord.
Happy Monday y'all!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
A Boring? uhm hmmm Blessed Weekend!
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| Mommy pulls the other front tooth just before dinner. Tooth Fairy, where are you? |
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| White Chicken Chili on a cool Friday evening. |
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| Isaiah builds himself a throne. "He is the King" |
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| Elijah got a haircut and his ears pierced. He was brave, the grandmother who went first, not so much. |
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| The kids caught and played with a baby chipmunk while I was getting a mani/pedi. Once freed, the poor thing was too afraid to run. |
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| Time with this handsome guy. |
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| Shayne dreams of hunting season. |
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| Mommy attempts to "sag" with the boys. |
Blessed Indeed.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Five Minute Friday- Joy.
We've probably all heard the verse in Psalms where we are told weeping may last all night, but joy comes in the morning. I used to live by it- it was my encouragement. As a young person it seemed my night would never end, and I waited for the morning so I could experience joy. It seemed to elude me. I found myself often in a state of sadness, depression. I would cringe every time a fellow believer would say to me, you can't be depressed, sad if you know Jesus. Offended and confused, I kept searching for my morning.
Many years ago, as Director of women's ministries at my church, me and my team organized a conference for our ladies, Joy Comes in the Morning, and All Day Long. The focus, was to help our ladies, wherever they were in the night, find the joy and keep it. Sounds goofy- but I will never forget Anita Renfroe's definition of joy as she spoke.
Joy- the settled assurance that God is in Control, and is working all things according to His plan.
Wow. I always knew it was more than a feeling, but I could never quite get my head around how it all worked together, until then. Those silly words changed my life. I can be a child of the King and feel sad, even depressed at times. We won't always feel happy. Jesus even wept. But, the joy that comes each morning- is because as a child of the King, I know He has it under control, even when the circumstances are hard, and painful. Circumstances that cause even the strongest believer to fall to their knees and cry out, Oh God.
That kind of joy, people will last you all day.
Praying you will find joy wherever you are today.
I'm linking up to Lisa Jo,
gypsy mama for 5 Minute Friday! Simple rules- write for 5 minutes, no editing, no second-guessing. It's not write, not wrong. And, it's a lot of fun. Click on the link for some good, 5 minute reads.
Happy Friday Y'all!
Many years ago, as Director of women's ministries at my church, me and my team organized a conference for our ladies, Joy Comes in the Morning, and All Day Long. The focus, was to help our ladies, wherever they were in the night, find the joy and keep it. Sounds goofy- but I will never forget Anita Renfroe's definition of joy as she spoke.
Joy- the settled assurance that God is in Control, and is working all things according to His plan.
Wow. I always knew it was more than a feeling, but I could never quite get my head around how it all worked together, until then. Those silly words changed my life. I can be a child of the King and feel sad, even depressed at times. We won't always feel happy. Jesus even wept. But, the joy that comes each morning- is because as a child of the King, I know He has it under control, even when the circumstances are hard, and painful. Circumstances that cause even the strongest believer to fall to their knees and cry out, Oh God.
That kind of joy, people will last you all day.
Praying you will find joy wherever you are today.
I'm linking up to Lisa Jo,
gypsy mama for 5 Minute Friday! Simple rules- write for 5 minutes, no editing, no second-guessing. It's not write, not wrong. And, it's a lot of fun. Click on the link for some good, 5 minute reads.
Happy Friday Y'all!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Surprise!
After taking Shayne for his post-op appointment this morning I opted not to take a lunch.
Rex and Shayne headed out in their "comfy" attire to Buffalo Wild Wings.
When they returned, they handed me a beautiful gold bag with KAY JEWELERS stamped on it. Hmmm... you can't get wings at Kay's. These boys had been up to something.
I wanted to rip open the really pretty gold wrapped box, but I was slowed by the unpleasant call with the Occupation Therapy head honcho for Roanoke County Schools. (that's a blog for another day)
After hanging up the phone, I looked at my man and asked "What did you do" and then I looked Shayne, and asked "What did he do?"
I was totally surprised to open the box, and find a beautiful Love's Embrace diamond necklace.
Note- unlike my sister, who if I recall correctly received at least two or three diamond necklaces within a short time span, this is my first ever real one.
Turns out, my man just wanted to thank me for taking care of them the last week or so.
Really? It's what I do.
Is that sweet or what?
and totally unexpected
and unnecessary
and very much appreciated.
I sure wish I could give 'em a big bear hug :) maybe in a few more days; but for today it is true, every Kiss begins with Kay:)
Yep, this one's a keeper.
SURPRISE!
Now, what shoes should I wear with this?
Rex and Shayne headed out in their "comfy" attire to Buffalo Wild Wings.
When they returned, they handed me a beautiful gold bag with KAY JEWELERS stamped on it. Hmmm... you can't get wings at Kay's. These boys had been up to something.
I wanted to rip open the really pretty gold wrapped box, but I was slowed by the unpleasant call with the Occupation Therapy head honcho for Roanoke County Schools. (that's a blog for another day)
After hanging up the phone, I looked at my man and asked "What did you do" and then I looked Shayne, and asked "What did he do?"
I was totally surprised to open the box, and find a beautiful Love's Embrace diamond necklace.
Note- unlike my sister, who if I recall correctly received at least two or three diamond necklaces within a short time span, this is my first ever real one.
Turns out, my man just wanted to thank me for taking care of them the last week or so.
Really? It's what I do.
Is that sweet or what?
and totally unexpected
and unnecessary
and very much appreciated.
I sure wish I could give 'em a big bear hug :) maybe in a few more days; but for today it is true, every Kiss begins with Kay:)
Yep, this one's a keeper.
A few hours later, my Elijah presented me with another surprise.
My son had a dress special ordered and hand -made for me.
or so Ms. Connie tells me.
SURPRISE!
Happy Thursday ya'll!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Peace, Peace, God's Peace!
God gives peace to His kiddo's.
Peace that isn't explained- just experienced.
And some weeks, He lets us experience more than the week before. He's just awesome that way!
1000Gifts#531-543
neighbors willing to put rowdy little boys on the school bus
it's a boy, growing inside my sweet niece
ER Doc's
Turkey sandwiches desired at 1 am
mowed grass and vacuumed floors - by friends adored
m&m's at 3 am
a post-op sleeping son
peace and prayers in scary moments
mornings- they always follow long, sleepless nights
a puttering sister
a mom who seems to thrive in her daughters crisis'
faithful friends
the smell of roast beef filling my sick-bay home while I nap
a mothers good report- her heart full of love and life
youth pastors bringing blizzards
my brain is normal...for real!
pinkie promises to comfort my youngest son's fears
hard rain- fast and over
laughter in unexpected places
God's strength in me, when mine is gone
What 'ya thankful for?
Peace that isn't explained- just experienced.
And some weeks, He lets us experience more than the week before. He's just awesome that way!
1000Gifts#531-543
neighbors willing to put rowdy little boys on the school bus
it's a boy, growing inside my sweet niece
ER Doc's
Turkey sandwiches desired at 1 am
mowed grass and vacuumed floors - by friends adored
m&m's at 3 am
a post-op sleeping son
peace and prayers in scary moments
mornings- they always follow long, sleepless nights
a puttering sister
a mom who seems to thrive in her daughters crisis'
faithful friends
the smell of roast beef filling my sick-bay home while I nap
a mothers good report- her heart full of love and life
youth pastors bringing blizzards
my brain is normal...for real!
pinkie promises to comfort my youngest son's fears
hard rain- fast and over
laughter in unexpected places
God's strength in me, when mine is gone
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Goodbye GallBladder... AND Appendix
Boring, Routine, Planned... not in this family!
Three days ago, Thursday morning we got the family up and prepared for our exciting day. Rex's first ever surgery. Gall Bladder. We were looking forward to it, knowing it should provide relief from his pain that has been progressing for a long time now. Elijah and Isaiah were mad, they wanted to go and "watch" and Isaiah kept asking- "is Daddy going to die forever today?" NO, Daddy is not going to die we assured them as we dropped them off at a neighbors and headed to the hospital.
We were only 15 minutes late. I wasn't worried, I knew they couldn't start without him.
Rex was not a fan of the surgical uniform. Shayne was more than happy to help his dad get dressed.
The nurses at Lewis Gale Medical Center were great. Kate, in her 52nd year of nursing got my hubby ready for surgery. Margaret, told beach stories while they put in the IV. While Rex was gone
Shayne and I went down to the cafeteria to have some breakfast. The plan was for Rex to be in surgery/recovery for a couple of hours, an hour in the room and be home by 1pm at the latest.
The surgery went well. Rex scored major points, calling me beautiful when seeing me for the first time after waking up. I'm told, by the recovery nurses that he went on and on about what a wonderful woman I was. We're not counting the other names he called me, while still under the influence of anesthesia. (insert smile) Shayne was great, encouraging his dad- and only a few times, laughing at his sleep babbling while Dad wasn't looking.
Sleep apnea slowed things down a bit and we were happy to finally get home around 5pm.
I made some potato soup for his bland diet, and our friend Brenda got the boys in bed for us. We crashed- for about an hour before the night got long.
I worked from home Friday and was glad for the night to come, I was pretty tired. I took Shayne to a lock-in about 9pm, and came back home to my sweet husband. We crashed again, on and off through a second night. Rex, as always has a hard time sitting still, even when he's on narcotics. I woke up at 6:45 Saturday morning and rushed out to pick my Shayne up from the lock-in before his brothers woke up.
The plan, was to spend my day in my Jammie's, cook some food to have on hand for the week, and sit idle in front of the TV with my recovering husband. Shayne was supposed to sleep all day to make up for being up all night. I do recall complaining, to my God Daddy about how tired I was. You'd think I'd learn about such things.
I had a nagging feeling all morning, that I should shower. I was too tired, so I kept putting it off. I wasn't going anywhere, so there was no rush. I fixed breakfast, drank several cups of coffee, colored some pictures with Isaiah and was standing at the sink around 11am when Shayne came in. I had noticed he was up and down several times but figured he was just having trouble sleeping- our house is really loud, in case you didn't know.
I knew by Shayne's face, something was wrong. I called the Dr. was told to take him to the ER, and I hopped in the shower. Within minutes, his pain was escalating and I was beckoned from the shower to hurry.
Trying to decide whether to line up help for Rex before leaving was a dilemma I didn't enjoy. Thankfully, Rex was able to get Danny and Julie with one phone call, and they came over and took care of Elijah and Isaiah, and Rex, while we figured out was was going on.
Things moved very quickly. Hearing your child, who never complains beg Dr's to "fix it" and say repeatedly they think they are going to die from the intense pain is a helpless feeling, I do not wish to repeat. Meemaw was with me and Shayne at the ER. Within a short time, the diagnosis was confirmed. Because Shayne's white count was so high and pain so intense, he bumped the lady in front of him to get into surgery first. Teri brought Rex to the hospital and Shayne was in surgery for acute appendicitis within 5 1/2 hours of arriving at the ER.
For the second time in a couple of days, I sat in the surgical waiting room. And again, surgery went well. After getting Shayne into his room, and knowing he was fine, Rex went home to rest. He was in a somewhat "adrenalin high-zombieish must get rest state" and definitely needed to go home.
The first hours after surgery were rough for my tough guy, but he quickly started hitting the required milestones. And, how much prouder could this momma be, when every Dr. and nurse who cared for my son, said to me "what a nice young man" or "you have a great kid" I couldn't help but agree, I watched him thank the nurses who woke him up to check his BP, and give verbal thanks to the surgeon for fixing it.
After another long night, we got to leave for home around 12:30 pm this afternoon and I was glad to get both my post-op patients under one roof. And while I am not symptom free, God has given me the stamina to take care of my son in the hospital, and my man at home.
In the last 3 days, I am again reminded how blessed we are.
Friends who drop everything to not only watch our younger kids but find time to also mow our grass and clean our house. Friends and family, who sit beside, and stand across from me at the hospital, more than once in just a few days and make small talk to take my mind off reality. Cries for me, and gives me the wink as my son comes out of anesthesia, scared and confused, knowing me so well that if I start crying, I won't stop. For mom who manned phones and kept people updated so I could focus. My sister, who literally packed up her life and brought it smack in the middle of mine- to cook meals, fold laundry and tend to my boys so I could nap and gear up for another long night. And the notes, texts and Facebook posts from many who let us know they are praying for us.
And then, for little boys who draw sweet pictures to encourage, even when they are scared, really scared that "everybody is sick but us" and worried if Daddy and Shayne will really get better. Little hearts with faith who pray that "God makes Mommy not dizzy no more."
I am glad I believe in my Sovereign God. Surprises to us, but not to Him!
I can sleep- er, rest, er doze peacefully knowing He's got it under control- Again!
These guys are on the road to recovery-
Three days ago, Thursday morning we got the family up and prepared for our exciting day. Rex's first ever surgery. Gall Bladder. We were looking forward to it, knowing it should provide relief from his pain that has been progressing for a long time now. Elijah and Isaiah were mad, they wanted to go and "watch" and Isaiah kept asking- "is Daddy going to die forever today?" NO, Daddy is not going to die we assured them as we dropped them off at a neighbors and headed to the hospital.
We were only 15 minutes late. I wasn't worried, I knew they couldn't start without him.
Rex was not a fan of the surgical uniform. Shayne was more than happy to help his dad get dressed.
The nurses at Lewis Gale Medical Center were great. Kate, in her 52nd year of nursing got my hubby ready for surgery. Margaret, told beach stories while they put in the IV. While Rex was gone
Shayne and I went down to the cafeteria to have some breakfast. The plan was for Rex to be in surgery/recovery for a couple of hours, an hour in the room and be home by 1pm at the latest.
The surgery went well. Rex scored major points, calling me beautiful when seeing me for the first time after waking up. I'm told, by the recovery nurses that he went on and on about what a wonderful woman I was. We're not counting the other names he called me, while still under the influence of anesthesia. (insert smile) Shayne was great, encouraging his dad- and only a few times, laughing at his sleep babbling while Dad wasn't looking.
Sleep apnea slowed things down a bit and we were happy to finally get home around 5pm.
I made some potato soup for his bland diet, and our friend Brenda got the boys in bed for us. We crashed- for about an hour before the night got long.
I worked from home Friday and was glad for the night to come, I was pretty tired. I took Shayne to a lock-in about 9pm, and came back home to my sweet husband. We crashed again, on and off through a second night. Rex, as always has a hard time sitting still, even when he's on narcotics. I woke up at 6:45 Saturday morning and rushed out to pick my Shayne up from the lock-in before his brothers woke up.
The plan, was to spend my day in my Jammie's, cook some food to have on hand for the week, and sit idle in front of the TV with my recovering husband. Shayne was supposed to sleep all day to make up for being up all night. I do recall complaining, to my God Daddy about how tired I was. You'd think I'd learn about such things.
I had a nagging feeling all morning, that I should shower. I was too tired, so I kept putting it off. I wasn't going anywhere, so there was no rush. I fixed breakfast, drank several cups of coffee, colored some pictures with Isaiah and was standing at the sink around 11am when Shayne came in. I had noticed he was up and down several times but figured he was just having trouble sleeping- our house is really loud, in case you didn't know.
I knew by Shayne's face, something was wrong. I called the Dr. was told to take him to the ER, and I hopped in the shower. Within minutes, his pain was escalating and I was beckoned from the shower to hurry.
Trying to decide whether to line up help for Rex before leaving was a dilemma I didn't enjoy. Thankfully, Rex was able to get Danny and Julie with one phone call, and they came over and took care of Elijah and Isaiah, and Rex, while we figured out was was going on.
 |
| Bloodwork, anyone? |
 |
| Drinking the "glow" medicine |
Things moved very quickly. Hearing your child, who never complains beg Dr's to "fix it" and say repeatedly they think they are going to die from the intense pain is a helpless feeling, I do not wish to repeat. Meemaw was with me and Shayne at the ER. Within a short time, the diagnosis was confirmed. Because Shayne's white count was so high and pain so intense, he bumped the lady in front of him to get into surgery first. Teri brought Rex to the hospital and Shayne was in surgery for acute appendicitis within 5 1/2 hours of arriving at the ER.
 |
| Surgery Board |
For the second time in a couple of days, I sat in the surgical waiting room. And again, surgery went well. After getting Shayne into his room, and knowing he was fine, Rex went home to rest. He was in a somewhat "adrenalin high-zombieish must get rest state" and definitely needed to go home.
The first hours after surgery were rough for my tough guy, but he quickly started hitting the required milestones. And, how much prouder could this momma be, when every Dr. and nurse who cared for my son, said to me "what a nice young man" or "you have a great kid" I couldn't help but agree, I watched him thank the nurses who woke him up to check his BP, and give verbal thanks to the surgeon for fixing it.
 |
| Turkey and Apple Juice at 1 AM |
After another long night, we got to leave for home around 12:30 pm this afternoon and I was glad to get both my post-op patients under one roof. And while I am not symptom free, God has given me the stamina to take care of my son in the hospital, and my man at home.
 |
| Resting (note the laundry my sister folded in the background) |
In the last 3 days, I am again reminded how blessed we are.
Friends who drop everything to not only watch our younger kids but find time to also mow our grass and clean our house. Friends and family, who sit beside, and stand across from me at the hospital, more than once in just a few days and make small talk to take my mind off reality. Cries for me, and gives me the wink as my son comes out of anesthesia, scared and confused, knowing me so well that if I start crying, I won't stop. For mom who manned phones and kept people updated so I could focus. My sister, who literally packed up her life and brought it smack in the middle of mine- to cook meals, fold laundry and tend to my boys so I could nap and gear up for another long night. And the notes, texts and Facebook posts from many who let us know they are praying for us.
And then, for little boys who draw sweet pictures to encourage, even when they are scared, really scared that "everybody is sick but us" and worried if Daddy and Shayne will really get better. Little hearts with faith who pray that "God makes Mommy not dizzy no more."
 |
| Pictures for Shayne & Daddy |
I am glad I believe in my Sovereign God. Surprises to us, but not to Him!
I can sleep- er, rest, er doze peacefully knowing He's got it under control- Again!
These guys are on the road to recovery-
 |
| Rex - 3 days Post-Op, Shayne - 1 day Post-Op |
Friday, September 9, 2011
Five Minute Friday: In Real Life
It's Friday, so I am grabbing 5 minutes to write, before (not so much) my day starts.....
In my dreams
I am the first one up in the house, showered, make-up on, and have spent time with God before anybody else starts calling my name
Take coffee to my husband to wish him good morning, just because I can
Don't let my kids rattle me or manipulate me or disappoint me
Never yell at my husband
Treat everyone I meet with the compassion of Jesus
Stop what I am doing and look my kids in the eye when they talk to me
Cook from scratch meals every night
Have my family and friends gathered around my table often
Actually sent the card or made the phone call when the Holy Spirit prompts me
Weigh 25 lbs less
Care about others more than getting caught up in my own world
My laundry is always done
My bathrooms are always clean, and my husband didn't have to clean them
My teenage son wants to chat, every day
I walk on the sand and watch the sunrise over the ocean, whenever I want
Shower my co-workers with random acts of kindness
Have time for what I like to do, instead of what I have to do
In Real Life- not so much.
I'm linking up to Lisa Jo,
gypsy mama for 5 Minute Friday! Simple rules- write for 5 minutes, no editing, no second-guessing. It's not write, not wrong. And, it's a lot of fun. Click on the link for some good, 5 minute reads.
In my dreams
I am the first one up in the house, showered, make-up on, and have spent time with God before anybody else starts calling my name
Take coffee to my husband to wish him good morning, just because I can
Don't let my kids rattle me or manipulate me or disappoint me
Never yell at my husband
Treat everyone I meet with the compassion of Jesus
Stop what I am doing and look my kids in the eye when they talk to me
Cook from scratch meals every night
Have my family and friends gathered around my table often
Actually sent the card or made the phone call when the Holy Spirit prompts me
Weigh 25 lbs less
Care about others more than getting caught up in my own world
My laundry is always done
My bathrooms are always clean, and my husband didn't have to clean them
My teenage son wants to chat, every day
I walk on the sand and watch the sunrise over the ocean, whenever I want
Shower my co-workers with random acts of kindness
Have time for what I like to do, instead of what I have to do
In Real Life- not so much.
I'm linking up to Lisa Jo,
gypsy mama for 5 Minute Friday! Simple rules- write for 5 minutes, no editing, no second-guessing. It's not write, not wrong. And, it's a lot of fun. Click on the link for some good, 5 minute reads.
Happy Friday ya'll!
Monday, September 5, 2011
Spinning, You Can't Stop This!
Even when my new friend Vertigo (insert sarcastic grin) steals my time and keeps me from Monday posts, I've still been thanking Jesus for all things, like:
being invited into a friends heart at 3 Lil Pigs
summer rain
momma and son talks
running through the rain with Shayne
standing upright
a hug and "I'm sorry" from Randy's heart
answered prayers and the unanswered
consequences that teach truth
feeling the earth move- what a Mighty God!
Sunday pot-luck dinner and friends round my table
diagnosis'
God's second chances, and third, and fourth and more
little people singing praise from the back seat
friends We Miss gathered under shelter, picking up right where we left off
waking up to the sound of rain
days I'm not dizzy
days that I am
forgiveness from my son, again
knowing I am not there, it is only in God's strength I can even go
birthday cupcakes
husband joining for lunch
clean kitchen floor between spins
signs of fall, leaves on ground
baby brother hugs
Angie smiles
siblings 3 giggling at midnight
cheese dip, coffee and chocolate chip cookies
Grandaddy grilling in the rain
"cleaning my plate" and the time it adds to my life
Amazing Grace, Victory in Jesus and other hymns played with praise
bunnies in mud puddles
encouragement in the mail box
1000 Gifts #486 - 520
What 'ya thankful for?
being invited into a friends heart at 3 Lil Pigs
summer rain
momma and son talks
running through the rain with Shayne
standing upright
a hug and "I'm sorry" from Randy's heart
answered prayers and the unanswered
consequences that teach truth
feeling the earth move- what a Mighty God!
Sunday pot-luck dinner and friends round my table
diagnosis'
God's second chances, and third, and fourth and more
little people singing praise from the back seat
friends We Miss gathered under shelter, picking up right where we left off
waking up to the sound of rain
days I'm not dizzy
days that I am
forgiveness from my son, again
knowing I am not there, it is only in God's strength I can even go
birthday cupcakes
husband joining for lunch
clean kitchen floor between spins
signs of fall, leaves on ground
baby brother hugs
Angie smiles
siblings 3 giggling at midnight
cheese dip, coffee and chocolate chip cookies
Grandaddy grilling in the rain
"cleaning my plate" and the time it adds to my life
Amazing Grace, Victory in Jesus and other hymns played with praise
bunnies in mud puddles
encouragement in the mail box
1000 Gifts #486 - 520
What 'ya thankful for?
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Isaiah's Rules
Last night, I was having a talk with Isaiah about rules, respect and other things most 5 year olds care little about.
He told me he wanted to see his cousin Erin so he can tell her "apopete" (appropriate) things. Of course, I begin to question what not apopete things he may have already told her. After taking a deep breath, we continued our talk.
He, as he often does took over the conversation, and shared his own rules to live by. In his own words,
1. Be nice to kids
2. Forgive them.
3. The one passing gas has to stay in the back of the pack.
Happy Sunday!
He told me he wanted to see his cousin Erin so he can tell her "apopete" (appropriate) things. Of course, I begin to question what not apopete things he may have already told her. After taking a deep breath, we continued our talk.
He, as he often does took over the conversation, and shared his own rules to live by. In his own words,
1. Be nice to kids
2. Forgive them.
3. The one passing gas has to stay in the back of the pack.
Happy Sunday!
Saturday, September 3, 2011
A Quick Look Back!
Today is my sister's birthday.
She's the cute blond. On the left. The tall one. The one smiling.
She has been my big sister since, for always.
She can, in the midst of one of my many frenzied states, calm me right down with her "let's think about this".
She is the one who constantly reminds me to breathe.
She's the one who has listened. Really listened to me for a lot of years now. She doesn't try to fix me, she just loves me.
And, she loves my boys.
Don't tell, but I actually envied her for a lot of years.
She's amazes me.
She has been an example of God's grace through circumstances that no one would choose.
She took lemons and made lemonade.
Not really, she took little girls, and as a single mother helped guide them into women who love and respect God.
She's the mother I want to be.
She doesn't yell, for real!
Today is my sister's birthday.
She's the cute blond.On the left The only blond. The tall short one. The one still smiling.
She's the cute blond. On the left. The tall one. The one smiling.
She has been my big sister since, for always.
She can, in the midst of one of my many frenzied states, calm me right down with her "let's think about this".
She is the one who constantly reminds me to breathe.
She's the one who has listened. Really listened to me for a lot of years now. She doesn't try to fix me, she just loves me.
And, she loves my boys.
Don't tell, but I actually envied her for a lot of years.
She's amazes me.
She has been an example of God's grace through circumstances that no one would choose.
She took lemons and made lemonade.
Not really, she took little girls, and as a single mother helped guide them into women who love and respect God.
She's the mother I want to be.
She doesn't yell, for real!
She's the cute blond.
I am abundantly blessed to be her little sister.
Happy Birthday Nae, I sure do love you!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Five Minute Friday- Rest.
It seems that most every day somebody tells me, "get some rest" and I without fail chuckle to myself. They usually say this after witnessing my life, or just hearing about the chaotic details of the same. They want for me to take some time- sit down, relax, do nothing or do something still and quiet.
Because my life makes them tired, they want me to rest.
I do not sit well. I do not relax often.
I wonder if I know how.
When, I have a chance to do nothing, I find something to do in the nothing. Like recently sorting through mounds of paperwork while I sat spinning on my couch. Rest almost feels like I'm wasting time and I have a really hard time doing nothing.
Unless.......
I'm at the beach.
It is in the vastness of God's awesomeness, that I can do nothing. Well, almost nothing.
I can sit.
I can breathe in the salt air.
I can watch.
I can close my eyes and listen to the crashing of the waves.
I can relax.
I can find and enjoy the quiet, in the midst of the noise.
This, in the amazement of His creation is where I find rest.
It matters not if there are 5 people named Allen in a flurry of activity in the sand or thousands of people whose name I don't know walking about me. It matters not if I am alone in the early hours of the day, or catching one more peek before calling it a night.
From sun-up to sun-down--- this is my ultimate place of rest.
So be careful, next time you say to me "get some rest" I might just head toward the sea.
(or, most likely I'll go get in my big jet bathtub and just pretend)
I'm linking up to Lisa Jo,
gypsy mama for 5 Minute Friday! Simple rules- write for 5 minutes, no editing, no second-guessing. It's not write, not wrong. And, it's a lot of fun. Click on the link for some good, 5 minute reads.
Rest- go get 'ya some!
Because my life makes them tired, they want me to rest.
I do not sit well. I do not relax often.
I wonder if I know how.
When, I have a chance to do nothing, I find something to do in the nothing. Like recently sorting through mounds of paperwork while I sat spinning on my couch. Rest almost feels like I'm wasting time and I have a really hard time doing nothing.
Unless.......
I'm at the beach.
It is in the vastness of God's awesomeness, that I can do nothing. Well, almost nothing.
I can sit.
I can breathe in the salt air.
I can watch.
I can close my eyes and listen to the crashing of the waves.
I can relax.
I can find and enjoy the quiet, in the midst of the noise.
This, in the amazement of His creation is where I find rest.
It matters not if there are 5 people named Allen in a flurry of activity in the sand or thousands of people whose name I don't know walking about me. It matters not if I am alone in the early hours of the day, or catching one more peek before calling it a night.
From sun-up to sun-down--- this is my ultimate place of rest.
So be careful, next time you say to me "get some rest" I might just head toward the sea.
(or, most likely I'll go get in my big jet bathtub and just pretend)
I'm linking up to Lisa Jo,
gypsy mama for 5 Minute Friday! Simple rules- write for 5 minutes, no editing, no second-guessing. It's not write, not wrong. And, it's a lot of fun. Click on the link for some good, 5 minute reads.
Rest- go get 'ya some!
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