Saturday, October 2, 2010

None righteous

This is a truth I believe; and one very difficult to teach to 4 and 5 year olds- especially when they know they were abandoned by their biological parents and believe in their core it was somehow their fault.  So they ask, alot.. Am I good? 

We are searching for the balance in giving them some security until they can understand better what God tells us about that. So now, when asked by a sobbing, out of control preschooler, "Am I a good boy,  Mommy?"  I say yes, baby, you are a good boy. 

But I still struggle sometimes when asked, knowing he had been doing some really bad things- like throwing a tantrum, refusing to pick up toys, banging forks, yelling out in frustration, dumping out chips, kicking his brother (you get the picture of my afternoon now)

Now, that was background so you can fully appreciate how my precious Isaiah melted my heart and made me and his daddy laugh (not out loud, that would have been totally unacceptable in his current state,  but laughter in my heart that was too good to keep to myself)

Isaiah didn't get a nap today - I'm not counting the 10 minute snooze on the way to Wal-Mart.  So, let's just say he was PAST IT when we were putting him to bed tonight.  Complicated by the fact he couldn't find his Superman Costume to sleep in- which I threw away a few weeks ago because it was too small and falling apart.  That is our secret, for now he just thinks it is lost.  He was crying and trying to figure out if he would rock with mommy, lay with daddy in the floor, rock with daddy, lay with mommy in the floor- none of which seemed to console him- until he had cried to the point of a headache.  So, he decided laying next to mommy in the floor was the way to go, and as he lay next to me, rubbing my elbow to calm himself, through his snubs asked that question-  

Am I good Mommy?
Yes, baby
(this is where I messed up by adding)- but you did some bad things tonight.....
which sent him into total despair, snubs returning to full blown sobs and the following proclamation with his sweet, crackling voice

"I do NOT do bad things, I don't smoke and I don't got tattoos!"

I guess "bad" is based on your own perspective, even if you are 4!

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