Monday, March 8, 2010
When I was a little girl- all my dreams led to being a mommy. It's all I ever wanted. But I learned that no matter how bad I wanted it, becoming a mom would not be an easy, or quick task. Eight years of infertility brought me my precious Shayne, and 3 1/2 years of he......lp to get my little guys all legal and mine. Now you have to know right now that I LOVE BEING A MOM! With that said, I can't figure out why the thing I love more than life can be the same thing that frustrates me to tears. How can I be complimenting my son, who is becoming a man before my very eyes one second; and yelling at him the next. (yes, I yell.) I know what you are thinking- "I'd never admit to that in writing" and to be honest, I don't think I've read too many mom confessions as I've blog surfed, but I believe in keeping it real, and frankly being a mom is hard.
So what happened to my dreams... Close your eyes and see it with me, we wake up right on time without an alarm clock, I'm home and not at a job all day, with plenty of time to bake cookies, read stories, volunteer at school, help my neighbors, have soup to nuts dinner ready precisely at 5pm when my husband arrives home from work, with a smile, of course. The laundry is folded (all ten loads) toys put away and happy, happy happy all the time. That's how it is for you, right? I was supposed to be the perfect mom- the mom who never yells (fail) who always smiles (fail) who is always patient and selfless (fail, fail) Ok, I will share my Diet Coke from McDonalds (my fave) so maybe that's a half-success.
Anyway, I know I can't be alone in this battle (this is when you give me a hearty AMEN) This battle for my boys to learn the basics- kindness, respect, hard work, generosity, pick up your socks and underwear off the bathroom floor, don't eat that. Put your trash in the can, and don't pick your nose -don't eat that (fail). The battle for their souls- that they will know and love Jesus. The battle for their time and mine. The battle for them to grow up and not need a therapist who reassures them by stating "you know this is really your mom's fault"
Yes, it feels sometimes, like I'm loosing the battle- like when my teenager won't talk to me or when my pre-schoolers exclaim through tears "you're mean mommy, I don't like you" for the sixth time since we got home. I know, that has never happened to you right? liar.
I guess I'll keep fighting, and telling them I love them to the moon and stars and back, and grabbing those sweet moments, smelly kisses (it's a boy thing) and keep on keeping on because I will win the war. Why, because there is no higher calling from God, my boys are worth every tear and I do love being a mommy. Fight On!
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