I'm linking up to Lisa Jo, thegypsymama for five-minute-friday
Simple rules- write for 5 minutes, no editing, no second-guessing. It's not right, or wrong, it's just write. Letting the thoughts and words flow.
On many occasions in my home, my children in the midst of a total emotional melt-down, between the screaming and the tears will ask, do you still love me?
And, because I do, the response is always, Yes, I still love you. However in honesty, I'm usually a bit irritated even with the question. It disrupts my thinking which usually has nothing to do with my loving them in that moment, but more on my parenting skills. I'm thinking why won't you stop screaming? Why won't you just do what I ask you to do? Why can't you just listen and believe what I say is true? Why can't you just look at me and see what I'm trying to show you?
But, noooo, I have to stop and reassure them that my love did not change. My love continues, no matter what. I still love.
This is new for me, since my oldest son never asked me this question. It was understood that I loved him. He seemed to just know, that no matter what he did that I still loved him. He believed & trusted me.
So, what is the difference?
My youngest children come from a place of hurt. A place where unconditional and continued "still" love was missing. So, they don't trust that my love will continue. They question it, especially n the midst of tantrums and tears and torment to their brother. They just need a check-in.
Do you love me still
when I'm throwing a fit and screaming I don't want you, I want what I knew before
when I question why
when I forget everything I'm supposed to know
when I go for days without a thank you
when I think I know more than you, and tell you so
when I criticize and complain
These are questions that could be from my boys, but they aren't. They are the questions I send up to God, because I came from a place of hurt- SIN. I have a hard time trusting that God can love me in the midst of my tantrums and tears and torment on my brothers and sisters in Christ.
I wonder if He gets irritated with me when I don't do what He asks of me, frustrated with me because of having to constantly remind me YES, He still loves me!
Shayne was born into our family. Love is understood. My youngest were adopted into our family. Love has to be proven.
Once I was born into God's family, it became understood that He loves me, no matter what. But, like an adopted child I sometimes need the constant check-in "do you still love me?'
No matter who is asking, I'm thankful for the continued reply- YES! I STILL LOVE YOU!
I can still love, because He still loves.
Happy Friday Ya'll!