Simple rules- write for 5 minutes, no editing, no second-guessing. It's not right, or wrong, it's just write. Letting the thoughts and words flow.
I'm full mommy! That's what my kids say when they have had enough of my dinner and are ready to move on something better. Better like Lego's or coloring, or four-wheeling with their buddies. Or, just because they know that will get them closer their bed-time snack of choice, and further away from broccoli and casserole. Either way, its their way of saying enough.
Sometimes I shout out to God, I'm full. That's my way of saying I've had enough. Enough of not broccoli and casseroles, but of all the things I can't control, the intrusion of social services or other therapists, school officials, judges and critics into our lives. Enough of the tantrums, the tears, the insecurity and fears that I cannot fix. Enough of the emotional roller coaster that mothering itself brings, and then the super-duper fastest ride ever -- the highs and lows of foster and adoption mothering. Sometimes I feel like I'm filled to the brim and will bust wide open. Sure, that the pieces of my heart will splatter to the floor and get trampled before I can gather them back up. I"m full, ready to move on to something
But just like my kids quickly return from the departure from dinner for a snack, I find myself returning to this chosen chaotic life. Yes, I remember, I chose it. And, I return for more because in this craziness is the fullness that comes from knowing I'm right where God told me be. The fullness of the "I loves you Mommy" even if they are spoken in the midst of a melt-down. The fullness of my teenager, picking me up and hugging me so hard my back cracks, looking down from the high place he's lifted me to and seeing those beautiful eyes that have not changed since the first time I soaked them in. The fullness of my husband, who fills my empty places with the same silly jokes and stories, and love that's been part of me for 25+ years. The fullness of watching my children play together, and fight together. The fullness of hearing their snores- ALL of their snores that fill the house and gives me the security that all are well. The family, that reaches the hidden places in this aging body and fills every inch of my being with love and satisfaction and joy.
I'm full God!
So full of your blessings, that sometimes I can't see it. So full, that sometimes I think I need a break only to find myself back at the your table of good and perfect gifts asking for more.
And, just like my boys, sometimes the "yummier" things is what I come back for, when I think I have already had enough!
I hope today finds you full of all God has spread before your table.